The Fear of Rejection #1
This is very primal. Most performers experience it on a regular basis. Some learn to cope or develop ways to control it. Some don't and get further and further meshed into a nervous, downward spiral. Many actors would call this feeling' stage fright' but I strongly believe that the feeling they experience is really just the univesal FEAR OF REJECTION.
More importantly though, and this is what we will be looking at over this series of posts, THE FEAR OF THE REPERCUSSIONS OF REJECTION.
An example from the cold, hard reality of life maybe?
PLEASE SAY YES.
case
Asking someone out on a date/how do you approach a table?
Everyone has been in a situation (usually when they are a teenager, because the confidence levels are usually under developed) where they have wanted to ask a person of the opposite sex for a date. In the way of preperation many of these people have found themselves asking the same questions magicians ask when discussing how to approach a table. The fear is the same too.
What should I say to her?/What should I say to them?
What time should I call her?/Shall I go over when they are eating or when they are between courses?
Where should I suggest we go on the first date?/Should I steer clear of a card trick as an opener?
How many phone messages are too many?/How many sponge bunnies are too many?
TIME OUT!
At the end of the day these are questions that have either no answers or they have thousands of correct answers and no wrong ones and the anwers will be forever changable. You don't need to ask these questions you just need to roll with the flow. It is my opinion that the only reason these questions are being asked is because of one simple fact most people are to nervous to admit
THE FEAR THAT THEY WILL REJECT YOU.
Think about it for a second. If you were absolutely certain that the audience would accept you, would love you, would need you then you would never be asking those questions. those questions would become irrelevant because no matter what you did, or said, or thought the audience would accept you. It is really very simple. The hard part is mastering methods which ensure acceptance and above all convice your psychology that you will be accepted.
In the following posts I will give you some ideas that I have found to be useful in overcoming these issues. Tips and such like that will mean you never have to ask those sorts of questions again. Suggestions that will take the fear out of the approach, the sell and ultimately the performance. Look, everyone gets the jitters the really excellent performers have learnt to channel those jitters into positive energy. In most cases the jitters are unrelated to th fear. the jitters are born of the apprehension The excitement. They are the butterflies that one feels fluttering around in ones tummy on the way to the gig. These butterflies are a private phenomena which the audience should never see. Such pre show tensions are natural. Let us look at ways to combat the more serious issue of Fear. The feeling that does not seem to go away all night....or without a few drinks.
Firstly it's easier for someone who is a born performer or dare I say exhibitionist to deal with this stuff. They have a longing to be in front of people. For whatever reason (usually a little selfish) it is a perfectly natural state of being for them to be under the lights. The confidence levels of such folk is usually quite high, at least in public. But there you go, 'confidence' That is the first element, I believe, in this dilema...in combating this fear. The element of CONFIDENCE.
More importantly though, and this is what we will be looking at over this series of posts, THE FEAR OF THE REPERCUSSIONS OF REJECTION.
An example from the cold, hard reality of life maybe?
PLEASE SAY YES.
case
Asking someone out on a date/how do you approach a table?
Everyone has been in a situation (usually when they are a teenager, because the confidence levels are usually under developed) where they have wanted to ask a person of the opposite sex for a date. In the way of preperation many of these people have found themselves asking the same questions magicians ask when discussing how to approach a table. The fear is the same too.
What should I say to her?/What should I say to them?
What time should I call her?/Shall I go over when they are eating or when they are between courses?
Where should I suggest we go on the first date?/Should I steer clear of a card trick as an opener?
How many phone messages are too many?/How many sponge bunnies are too many?
TIME OUT!
At the end of the day these are questions that have either no answers or they have thousands of correct answers and no wrong ones and the anwers will be forever changable. You don't need to ask these questions you just need to roll with the flow. It is my opinion that the only reason these questions are being asked is because of one simple fact most people are to nervous to admit
THE FEAR THAT THEY WILL REJECT YOU.
Think about it for a second. If you were absolutely certain that the audience would accept you, would love you, would need you then you would never be asking those questions. those questions would become irrelevant because no matter what you did, or said, or thought the audience would accept you. It is really very simple. The hard part is mastering methods which ensure acceptance and above all convice your psychology that you will be accepted.
In the following posts I will give you some ideas that I have found to be useful in overcoming these issues. Tips and such like that will mean you never have to ask those sorts of questions again. Suggestions that will take the fear out of the approach, the sell and ultimately the performance. Look, everyone gets the jitters the really excellent performers have learnt to channel those jitters into positive energy. In most cases the jitters are unrelated to th fear. the jitters are born of the apprehension The excitement. They are the butterflies that one feels fluttering around in ones tummy on the way to the gig. These butterflies are a private phenomena which the audience should never see. Such pre show tensions are natural. Let us look at ways to combat the more serious issue of Fear. The feeling that does not seem to go away all night....or without a few drinks.
Firstly it's easier for someone who is a born performer or dare I say exhibitionist to deal with this stuff. They have a longing to be in front of people. For whatever reason (usually a little selfish) it is a perfectly natural state of being for them to be under the lights. The confidence levels of such folk is usually quite high, at least in public. But there you go, 'confidence' That is the first element, I believe, in this dilema...in combating this fear. The element of CONFIDENCE.
posted by Dean Atkinson at
8:29 PM
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